Kill the Empire

Last week on my lunch break I took a walk to Papa Johns pizza shop. As I was walking back with my $1 slices I was dying to rip in to, I saw a group of women just hanging out. As I walked by, one of them looked me up and down and said, “Damn, everyone is pregnant this summer.” I was wondering who she was talking about. So, I did like the rapper T.I and I turned my head to the east and didn’t see anyone by my side, I turned my head to west, still no one in sight.

I thought to myself, she’s not talking to me. So, just as she did, I looked myself up and down and behold I saw the puffiness from the pleats and sure enough, I was looking at least 4 months pregnant. The horror!

Whenever I buy clothes, I analyze them to death to make sure it is the right item for me. The dress I had on was a pink dress I purchased at Ann Taylor Loft (One of my favorite stores for work and weekend clothes). The dress has a rounded v-neck and an empire waist that hits under my bustline with light pleating. Now, normally, I try not to buy empire waists because I do think they make you look pregnant. After just having a baby, looking pregnant is the last thing I want. I obviously failed that mission this time.

When I got home from work, I did a ten minute analysis on the dress and tried to figure out, how did I manage to look pregnant in this dress. Of course, the obvious is to cut back on the Papa Johns, but, even when I see people with flat stomachs, they still manage to have little baby bumps as well. Then it hit me. All Empire waists are not created equally. Especially when you are trying to camouflage a stomach.

Below are my tips to avoid my incident from happening to you:

1) If you have a round puffy stomach, you may want to avoid pleated high cut empire waists. Instead go for a smocked empire waist that hits in the middle . Its like cutting the stomach in half. Like this one from American Eagle on sale for $11.95 comes in sizes XS-XXL. I am purchasing this one today.

2) If you have a flat stomach (and yes you can be plus size with a flat stomach) the higher smocked empire waist that hits right above your bustline flatters the best. Like this one also from American Eagle on sale for $11.95 also comes in XS-XXL

How silly of me, this is the pink dress that was wrong for my belly. Its at Ann Taylor Loft, also on sale for $29.50. Comes in sizes XS-XXL